verdi-gris:

Do you ever feel like people want pieces of you but never all of you?

yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou:

Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.

It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s having sex because you want to be used or abused or defiled. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.

Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.

It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.

This sort of behavior is classified as “para-suicidal” It’s putting yourself in a situation of danger or destruction with the intention of risking your safety rather than a direct attempt on your life. Kind of, leaving it all to chance? Also doing things to harm yourself or your self worth because you feel you deserve to feel the outcome of those actions.

sa-dnesss:

“My 20s have been the loneliest era in my life. I am surrounded by people but not connecting with anyone. Everyone is living their own lives while I am still waiting for mine to start. I feel lost between what I should be feeling and how I actually feel.”

—

neuroticboyfriend:

anxiety is disabling. it’s not something you can simply push or think or will your way out of. it’s a condition and neurodivergency. it affects both your body and mind. you can’t overhaul your nervous system just by telling yourself to stop being high strung and sensitive. pushing yourself to do things that you cannot cope with is only going to make things worse, and harder than they have to be.

it’s not your fault and you don’t need to be fixed. you need support. coping skills. patience. resources. accomodations. comfort. happiness. things like force, coercion, judgement, and ridicule are all antithetical to what you need. they’re not helpful; they’re harmful, and you deserve better.